What's different? Well, it's a boy. So maybe I don't have the extra estrogen dragging me down. Or maybe, just maybe.....it was a choice. Maybe. I was surprised to be expecting again and only a year after my second baby no less! I was not prepared. I was not "ready" to give my body away for another year. The body I had JUST gotten back. I was not ready to find ways other than wine to cope with stress. I was making plans for this summer when I would be "baby-free" in our new house and new pool (lounging with a frozen cocktail steeped in tequila), in my old body. I was not ready for this. So, I had to make a choice. This was not a snap decision. It was not one that came without it's share of sulking and self pity. But, I made it. Instead of this pregnancy being a hindrance on what my goals were for the year (I want to run a half marathon and live a healthier life in general), I decided it would be my motivation. During the last 20 weeks I have run (weather and illness permitting) 3 times a week (made it back to 2.5 miles last week!) and as of last week, I've started strength training via my Focus T25 videos (you know, the ones no one has time for??). Turns out when your husband is not out of town and you don't have a newborn, and your 3 yr old can keep herself entertained for short amounts of time, 25 minutes is not as hard to come by.
Now, I am not naive enough to think that I can keep this up for the next 20 weeks....but you better believe I'm going to try! I honestly can't recall having this much energy in my last pregnancies. And even if I did, I certainly never funneled it this way. When I am pregnant, I am one who has cravings. And they're weird ones. And some of them have nothing to do with food. Well, with Mia, they ALL had to do with food. But with Bella, for at least 2 months, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every morning for breakfast. Without fail. And every morning it was like heaven had culminated between two pieces of bread. Then one morning, the thought of peanut butter made me want to hurl. With my first two pregnancies, I ordered a side of jalapenos with EVERYTHING. Y'all....seriously....everything. Eggs, burgers, salads....everything. This go round, I get heartburn thinking about jalapenos.....and sadly, pickles, which I also love. During my first pregnancy, I couldn't sleep without my big pregnancy pillow. I mean, from like week 8....Every. Night. When I was pregnant with Bella, I used to lay on a heating pad for 15 minutes (timed by my over protective husband) every night. Like, I couldn't go to sleep without doing it. This time.....I HAVE to workout. For now. Also, the peanut butter and jelly thing is back. I mean seriously, whoever thought of that combo was a genius! But despite waking up at o'dark thirty every morning and GOING until Bella is in bed at 7 (yes I realize it's a blessing, but please read the first part of my sentence - O-DARK-THIRTY, it's early), I look forward to working out at night. And I can't even say it's so that I can see the results of my hard work. Because let's face it....the only way the scale is going for me, is up. And I'll be honest, maybe I'm trying to stop it from going up so quickly or at such a steep incline.....but mostly I am doing it because it feels good to me right now. It makes me feel strong - but not just physically. I feel like maybe if I'm 20 weeks pregnant with 2 kids and I can find time and energy to workout, then maybe JUST MAYBE I can do this. With three kids. And a job. Because, yea, I'm coming back to work. But I don't want to talk about it....yet. So yea, I think part of it is a craving for me internally, and it's obviously good for me physically, but I feel like I am mentally preparing for what is about to happen to me as well. And since wine is not longer available (in the quantities I need it) for sorting this sort of thing out, I am working out. And I am loving it.
Is it possible that the reality of three kids has already made me a complete loon? It was just a few weeks ago that I remember feeling totally overwhelmed by the thought, and now I look around and think.....ok, Let's Do This. I think it's possible that that hour we lost had my sanity packed in it's bag. And it's likely that come September when I'm bleeding from my nipples and leaking from everywhere else, on no sleep and haven't showered or brushed my teeth in a week, when we get that hour back, I will realize what a lunatic I am being right now. So, like crazy people do, I'm going to bask in it for now.....and simply say that for the first time in ANY pregnancy, I'm really having an awesome time ;)
Now, all this crazy talk could have been spurred on my 20 week appointment yesterday. We got to see our little man again and it was incredible. How is it even possible to love something so much?? We confirmed he's a BOY! And watching him on the screen just made me fall in love. So crazy how much he was moving and I could hardly feel anything. He was sucking his thumb for most of it, just like his big sis, Mia. Our sono tech printed us like a million pictures and I swear I have already spent more time than is normal just staring at them :) I have managed to pack on 8 LBs in the last month, so I was surprised when the sono tech told me that he is measuring right at 20w which is perfect, Everything looked great according to the docs and assuming all goes as planned, we probably won't see him again until he makes his big debut!
Below are some pics of Baby Boy (whose name is still unknown, but I think we are getting closer) and some of me this week.
Ladies and Gentlemen.....my son ;)
sucking his thumb like big Sis Mia
20 wks
And just one more little thing.....You know those other two kids running around my house? The adorable ones with the big blue eyes and miraculous blonde hair (we're still not sure how that happened)? Well they are just growing up before my eyes. 16 weeks ago when I found out I was pregnant again, I looked at my girls and just thought, they are so little! And as weird as it sounds, in the last 4 months, they have just blossomed. Bella is less and less a baby by the hour. Seems like she is picking up new words daily - this morning was "baby", "nana" (banana) and "bow" (which she walked to the mirror to admire once I clipped it to a curl on the top of her head). And Mia, she is constantly coming to me and rubbing my tummy and kissing it and talking to it.....it's so cool that she knows what is happening this time. It makes me feel even closer to her (and it's hard to feel closer to someone who is verging on being inside your ass every second). I just love my little family. My husband included....who really does have a special bond with our girls, and just lights up when he talks about our boy (it doesn't hurt that he's been making dinner on the grill every night either).....maybe it's the hormones.....but I just can't wait. :)
Headed up to meet sissy - and yes that is a marshmellow in her hand, and yes I bribe my children with marshmellows ;) (marshmallow?? why does that word look weird?)
Mia was explaining to Bella how "babies don't eat cake...." there are a lot of things that according to Mia, "babies don't do" - most of them involve her toys.
5 sec chill sesh post bath
LOVE this girl <3
bath time giggles :)
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