If I could write prescriptions, I would miss 99% less work and my kids 99% less school and I would have have saved enough money in co-pays to put a downpayment on a decent sized boat we've been dreaming about for years now! Can I get an 'AMEN!'??
So, I feel like I have spent the last month (my FAVORITE MONTH) nursing one or both of my children and/or husband/self to health. The. Whole. Month. Let's start it out with a double ear infection followed by a single ear infection followed by another ear infection (which they considered the same ear infection) for my youngest. Oh and for those without children I should tell you (because I didnt know) that an "ear infection" can be disguised as a cough and runny nose coupled with midnight scream sessions over the course of a week. And despite what doctors say there does not HAVE TO BE a fever........We then had a night of projectile vomit/other goodness from Mia, which turned in to a week of "when is this 24 hr bug going to leave us?!" for both Mia and myself. We closed it out with a weekend of Dan experiencing all the "fun" that Mia and I partook in the week prior. And now.....we have made it full circle. Bella has another ear infection. Oh wait....the doc said its not really an ear infection. Hey, I get it, I didnt go to med school. Me, I'm just the woman who has lived through a month long ear infection and knows from the sight of the first runny nose and the sound of the FIRST CRY what an ear infection is. I dont care what they say. My child has an ear infection. And when I have to go BACK to the doctor on Friday.....we will further confirm what I think. But....so goes life.
I hate it when my kids are sick. I hate it even more when I take them to the doc when they are sick and am told they are not, in fact, sick. I hate it. Why would I possibly hate my kids NOT being sick? Because that means that they hurt in some way that medicine can't help.....and that I can't seem to help either. Oh, my next favorite thing aside from the not sleeping that comes a long with a new baby is the not being able to give them anything until they are two for any sort of relief in these situations. So what have we been doing? Well for a couple of nights, Dan and I switched off sleeping in the recliner with Bella. Last night I played with her until she literally bent over her cute chubby legs and passed out mid grab at the remote.
Being a mom is hard. Being a parent is hard. Not having a prescription pad at my arms reach is probably safer than the alternative....but it's still hard too.
Moms, you're doing a good job. Even when you're tired. Even when you don't know what's wrong (or when you know, but the doctors don't agree...). Even when you think you're not. You are. Keep it up.
Maybe I just needed to hear this myself. But I assure you, it's true in every one of our cases. My husband told me the other day "what you do is amazing. I could never do it like you do." It was the biggest compliment of my life. And you know what I said?? "I know." ;)
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Struggles (Bella 6 Mo)
Hello friends. I'm back. I have several posts at mind so not sure where this one will fall in the scheme of things, but its certainly something that's weighing on me lately. I'm not sure why all of a sudden, but it just is....I'm struggling. In life. With EVERYthing.
Do you ever feel like you are just barely getting by in every aspect of your life? Like you're too busy to do anything "right"? Like you're so tired all the time, but the only time you have to yourself is at night, so you stay up even though you know you'll only be more tired the next day? Like just when you think your 6 mo old is at the brink of sleeping 10 hrs a night, she gets an ear infection that lasts 3 FREAKING weeks and totally throws a monkey wrench into the "regular" sleep you were getting. And then the nights that your 6 month old decides to sleep 10 hrs, your toddler decides she is going to wake SCREAMING multiple times, and then does it every night for the rest of the week as well. I'm struggling, ya'll. Like big time.
I'm working at least 45 hours a week and still busy to the point where I forget I have to pee while I'm there. I rush to daycare because I feel guilty about how long my kids spend there, then rush home, because if I don't get Mia's dinner on the table before her inevitable "poop sesh" in the bathroom, then she won't eat at all. Then I rush to get both kids bathed and in jammies so that I can get Bella in bed before Mia goes down so that I dont have to try and LITERALLY be two places at once. Then I rush to clean up the house so my husband doesnt think a natural disaster has struck our living room, and God forbid I eat before 9:30 PM. I'm just rushed.***
Meanwhile, I'm short with my toddler because, well....she's 2 and knows it all. I can't ask her to do something that she immdediately agrees to, like....ever. I feel like I'm missing milestones with the baby and feel guilty that I dont work every night on trying to get her to sit up and say "mama" or "dada" or really anything.....And let's not even get started on keeping up with anyone who doesn't actually LIVE at my house....
I'm not the only mom of two who works. I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel here. I just need to know I'm not crazy. Is this one of those things, like bringing home newborn #2, that is insurmountably hard at the beginning, then it gets easier? Will I ever feel like I am not in a state of trying not to drown??
I guess I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. At one point I was SURE I wanted to be a SAHM. I knew it. But then I did that, and as much as I loved being present for EVERY milestone, I felt like I was missing part of myself....the part that went to work and interacted with people who didn't wear diapers. But now, I'm back at work and having the exact opposite problem. I am missing it ALL! I went in to Boo's room the other morning and she was on her back (back story-she sleeps on her stomach, and has been able to roll from her back to her stomach for some months now, but to my knowledge still was unable to roll the other way).....this was HUGE! I was all grins when I proudly told the daycare teacher her "new" talent. She was not nearly as surprised as I was, mainly because Boo had been rolling that way for at least a week. Missed it. Mom guilt. Is there some happy medium that I'm totally missing? I like my job for the most part. It pays ok. It has pretty decent benefits, is close to home and flexible if I have to be out with sick babies. But I like being a mom too and all the stuff that comes with it. Can you be successful at your job and hugely successful at being a mom without feeling crazy?? Is there a book? I need it.
Silver lining I guess is that in all of the ways that it counts, I'm doing enough to not permanently scar my kids. Bella is laughing, putting her own paci in and out, eating solids (veggies), drinking 6 oz of milk 5ish times a day, scooting around and smiling ALL THE TIME. She had her 6 mo visit last week and she is growing like a weed. in the 75-80% on height and weight. Mia is officially potty trained, doesn't cry (for as long) at night when she poops....and she actually does that now almost nightly. She recognizes some letters and numbers, knows the months of the year, days of the week and ALL of the words to the Frozen song (because I'm pretty sure that indicates some developmental marker). They are both amazing, and thriving. They make the tired seem worth it. I just hope that when they look back they don't see me as some grump who rushed them through dinner and bath time, and instead they see that I was just trying to soak up the time I had and make most of the nights and weekends.
So, that concludes this month's hour of therapy. Next topic......WEIGHT LOSS! Stay tuned....
***In case you are wondering I am still married. He works very long hours, but is VERY present on weekends. If he is able to get home before Mia goes to bed, he takes that on (not always an easy task). I'm sure if he blogged, he would have one post about how hard it is to miss everything too......
Do you ever feel like you are just barely getting by in every aspect of your life? Like you're too busy to do anything "right"? Like you're so tired all the time, but the only time you have to yourself is at night, so you stay up even though you know you'll only be more tired the next day? Like just when you think your 6 mo old is at the brink of sleeping 10 hrs a night, she gets an ear infection that lasts 3 FREAKING weeks and totally throws a monkey wrench into the "regular" sleep you were getting. And then the nights that your 6 month old decides to sleep 10 hrs, your toddler decides she is going to wake SCREAMING multiple times, and then does it every night for the rest of the week as well. I'm struggling, ya'll. Like big time.
I'm working at least 45 hours a week and still busy to the point where I forget I have to pee while I'm there. I rush to daycare because I feel guilty about how long my kids spend there, then rush home, because if I don't get Mia's dinner on the table before her inevitable "poop sesh" in the bathroom, then she won't eat at all. Then I rush to get both kids bathed and in jammies so that I can get Bella in bed before Mia goes down so that I dont have to try and LITERALLY be two places at once. Then I rush to clean up the house so my husband doesnt think a natural disaster has struck our living room, and God forbid I eat before 9:30 PM. I'm just rushed.***
Meanwhile, I'm short with my toddler because, well....she's 2 and knows it all. I can't ask her to do something that she immdediately agrees to, like....ever. I feel like I'm missing milestones with the baby and feel guilty that I dont work every night on trying to get her to sit up and say "mama" or "dada" or really anything.....And let's not even get started on keeping up with anyone who doesn't actually LIVE at my house....
I'm not the only mom of two who works. I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel here. I just need to know I'm not crazy. Is this one of those things, like bringing home newborn #2, that is insurmountably hard at the beginning, then it gets easier? Will I ever feel like I am not in a state of trying not to drown??
I guess I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. At one point I was SURE I wanted to be a SAHM. I knew it. But then I did that, and as much as I loved being present for EVERY milestone, I felt like I was missing part of myself....the part that went to work and interacted with people who didn't wear diapers. But now, I'm back at work and having the exact opposite problem. I am missing it ALL! I went in to Boo's room the other morning and she was on her back (back story-she sleeps on her stomach, and has been able to roll from her back to her stomach for some months now, but to my knowledge still was unable to roll the other way).....this was HUGE! I was all grins when I proudly told the daycare teacher her "new" talent. She was not nearly as surprised as I was, mainly because Boo had been rolling that way for at least a week. Missed it. Mom guilt. Is there some happy medium that I'm totally missing? I like my job for the most part. It pays ok. It has pretty decent benefits, is close to home and flexible if I have to be out with sick babies. But I like being a mom too and all the stuff that comes with it. Can you be successful at your job and hugely successful at being a mom without feeling crazy?? Is there a book? I need it.
Silver lining I guess is that in all of the ways that it counts, I'm doing enough to not permanently scar my kids. Bella is laughing, putting her own paci in and out, eating solids (veggies), drinking 6 oz of milk 5ish times a day, scooting around and smiling ALL THE TIME. She had her 6 mo visit last week and she is growing like a weed. in the 75-80% on height and weight. Mia is officially potty trained, doesn't cry (for as long) at night when she poops....and she actually does that now almost nightly. She recognizes some letters and numbers, knows the months of the year, days of the week and ALL of the words to the Frozen song (because I'm pretty sure that indicates some developmental marker). They are both amazing, and thriving. They make the tired seem worth it. I just hope that when they look back they don't see me as some grump who rushed them through dinner and bath time, and instead they see that I was just trying to soak up the time I had and make most of the nights and weekends.
So, that concludes this month's hour of therapy. Next topic......WEIGHT LOSS! Stay tuned....
***In case you are wondering I am still married. He works very long hours, but is VERY present on weekends. If he is able to get home before Mia goes to bed, he takes that on (not always an easy task). I'm sure if he blogged, he would have one post about how hard it is to miss everything too......
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