Baby #3: 38 Weeks - reflecting.

Today I am 38w5d pregnant. It's the Friday before my scheduled c-section. I decided that maybe I ought to take this one final opportunity and relax.....have some "me" time. So I'm currently sitting in my quiet living room with a cup of coffee, just thinking.....

What a ride this has been. I feel like this pregnancy has really taught me more about myself than any other. Maybe it's the "boy". Maybe it's the number. Maybe I'm just getting older. Who really knows. But for this experience, I'm thankful.

When I found out I was pregnant in November of last year, I was shocked. I could not wrap my brain around caring for another being. I felt overwhelmed and unsure of myself both as a mom and just as a sane, functioning person. Over the course of the last 38 weeks, a lot has changed. I feel like *this* baby has made me a better mom and a healthier woman.....but in no way a more sane person.

I feel like I spent a lot of time before feeling sorry for myself. I didn't have enough time or energy to do anything or be the mom/wife I wanted to be. I allowed myself to become lazy when it came to my health and well being, because I "deserved" a break and didn't have time to worry about that stuff. When I got pregnant, that gradually changed. I decided that this pregnancy wasn't going to be just another hindrance....another excuse. I wanted to feel empowered and I discovered through this baby boy, that a feeling of empowerment comes from within.

I dedicated myself to making healthier choices, staying active, making the most of the time with my kids (instead of just getting through it). I found myself wanting to be home rather than going out to have fun. I realized that what I have here, is pretty awesome. And while it feels SUPER overwhelming sometimes, there is still no place I'd rather be. I tried to remember to laugh when the kids did silly things, even if what they were doing was in complete disregard for my instruction. I tried to cherish my alone time with my husband more and relate to him on a level that didn't involve our kids.....because after all, when we fell in love, they weren't in the picture. I also poured myself into my work, because as it turns out, I really love my job and if I'm going to do something......I'm going to do it all the way. I realized that I can be a working mom and still be a good mom. I had to let go of some of my mom guilt and realize that as important as it is for a SAHM to be home with their kids, it was just as important for me to teach my kids the value in a strong work ethic (which I learned from both of my parents).

I won't lie. I've had an easy go of this. Part of that is genetic I'm sure.....but part of it was me. I think we all get a say in how we feel every day. And I think that more often than not, over the course of the last 38 weeks, I decided I was going to have a good day (even if at the end of the day all of the days events totally disagreed with my decision ;)).

So here I am, 4 days from meeting my baby boy. My #3, but my first little boy. I'm feeling calm and anxious. It's like my body is one big oxymoron. I am hyper aware of every contraction and every movement inside me. I have plans upon pans running through my head for every scenario that could arise between now and Monday. But....I'm ready.

To My Baby Boy:

Thank you. 32 years and I couldn't seem to get "it". But then you came along and it only took you 38 weeks to make this woman, a momma you can be proud of. I can't wait to meet you. I already think you're pretty amazing.

Love,
Mom, your biggest fan

Baby #3: 37 weeks - the last leg

This morning I'm 37w4d pregnant. And I feel every bit of it. I have weekly doctors appointments now and they've confirmed my feeling. On Monday, the doc did another sono to see how Baby Nicky was positioned.....still frank breech (booty down, head up). He's literally been in the same position since 32 weeks. He's likely not going anywhere at this point.

I have a c-section scheduled for Monday, July 20. We will meet our boy on OR BEFORE that day. Now, all pregnant moms live with a dellusion, spoken or otherwise, that they will deliver early. Because their moms did, or because their babies are big, or because this is their 2nd, 3rd, etc and their bodies are just ready, or you know, because they "just know". I am aware that I'm dellusional people, but I honestly believe we will be meeting our baby boy before the 20th. 

At my 36 week appointment I was 1 cm dilated. This is no big deal. Unless you are me. If you're me, it's a big, weird deal. Historically speaking, at the start of my weekly appointments, I get my hopes up that I'm "progressing" and at each of the 4, I have made little to no progress. This time I had managed my own expectations. I, at no point, expected to dilate or efface. Well, Monday, at 37 weeks, I was dilated to a 2 and having very regular contractions. I should tell you that when my body reaches a 4, it's done. BUT to get to a 4, it usually takes hours of petocin and the doc breaking my water. For both pregnancies, I went from a 4 to a 10 within 30 minutes. No lie. So, to be a 2, at 37 weeks.....now sh*ts about to get real.

My doc, being conservative knowing how my body does labor, instructed me to call if I had contractions for an hour that were 10 minutes apart (as opposed to the usual 5 minutes). She doesn't want to risk the baby getting down in the birth canal booty first. I have almost called 2 nights now. I would say that when it comes down to a choice of whether to call the doc or not, I always err on the side of not calling. I could not tell you why that is. I think I don't want to be the guy that calls every time I feel the baby move "funny" so I just don't call.....like ever. Well I was very close on Monday and Tuesday night. But as soon as I told myself, ok, after the next one, I'll call.....they would spread out. And I would be able to fall asleep. 

So, here I am. Still pregnant. Waiting. Anxiously waiting. 

My plan was to work until the Friday before my due date. That is 2 weeks from Friday. At this point, I will for sure not be working past next Friday. Ya'll....that's 1 week from now. 

I recently was approved to hire someone to work for me. I was promoted to Senior Analyst and am now in the process of building my department :) While I could not be more thrilled, the pressure of trying to train someone new in the short amount of time I have is nerve wracking. I, in no way, wonder why I feel like I'm in labor at night. It's like my body trying to loosen up and breathe! I take a lot of pride in my job and thankfully because of that, I have made it very easy for someone to come in behind me and pick up where I've left off (probably a fatal flaw ;)). For this reason, after almost a week of training my new hire, I feel much better about the prospect of leaving before I had planned. I think my team will still miss me....but be able to get by while I tend to FAR more important things ;)

So, that's it. I have an appointment on Monday at 11:30. I expect that if I have progressed any farther, my doctor won't let me leave the hospital still pregnant. I'm good with that. 

I'll keep you all posted :)

In the meantime, I would really appreciate prayers for a smooth delivery and healthy baby boy....just if you think about it. Oh, and while you're praying, maybe throw in something about a quick recovery? thanks ;)

37 weeks - this must be a good angle, because I look way bigger than that in real life...

This is last Thursday, we were trying to be patriotic ;)

36 weeks